fredsavageiii:

this whole exchange was golden

Me and Drakes first date

Drake: And that's when I said first of all Barack, I'm mixed, but enough about me. I wanna know about you. *boops my nose*
Me: Well, I do not like the beach because I do not like sand or crustaceans but I do personally feel very connected to the ocean. I actually feel as if I may be mixed with mermaid.
Drake: That's so interesting. You are such a well rounded individual. Please, tell me more about you.
Me: I am very afraid of the dark.
Drake: A few years back I read a passage that said something like "You're not afraid of the dark, you're afraid of what is inside of the dark." I just thought that was so beautiful.
Me: ... Are you getting smart with me?
Drake: Not at all I ju-
Me: *loudly* Please do not come for me Mr. Graham I know what the hale I'm scared of!
Drake: ... that was extremely arousing and I'd like to take you home if that's okay with you.
Me: You pickin up the tab?
Drake: *nods*
Me: *puts the basket of rolls in my bag* Get the check.

beautyyytime:

Why one eyebrow always comin out Gucci and the other eyebrow comin out Walmart

guy:

omg ok so i was at my locker and i overheard a guy talking about how some other guy kept making eye contact with him and the guy was like “i think he’s gay, that’s so fuckin weird” and a girl who was getting her stuff beside the guy was like “yea that’s very weird considering you’re ugly as fuck” and she walked away like a bad bitch and everyone’s hands went over their mouths and it was the greatest experience ever

thecutestofthecute:

Australian Cattle Dog/Blue Heeler Appreciation Post

fearlesskesha:

'I used to dress a lot in black and now I've let color into my life, its very metaphorical'

howdidyouguess:

It’s almost 1pm and I’ve literally been alone at work since 7:45am this is a joke

1:20 sTILL ALONE

It’s almost 1pm and I’ve literally been alone at work since 7:45am this is a joke

thecutestofthecute:

English Cream Dachshund 

claudiagray:

Sometimes the greatest sarcasm is wasted. 

jc